Someone from my past had reached out to me asking me to meet to talk about something that they had done to me. Who, what, when, where, why or how, is not important; but this event has greatly impacted my life. My relationships, self esteem, memories, have all suffered in some way because of this. My childhood and teen years from the age of 9 to 21 have been mostly full of negative memories. Mostly to do with friends or relationships.
I moved when I was 9, from a place that I had amazing friends, amazing self esteem, and fitting in, to a place where I was never accepted. The move from the very multicultural Scarborough to the very suburban and predominantly "white" community of Pickering was a culture shock. My interests were different, I was a tom boy, I didn't own any name brands or makeup, and my parents were not well off like the others.
As an adult, and mostly in the last 2 years, I have decided to take my happiness into my own hands, and be accountable for my experiences. There are always bad things that will inevitably happen, but the other 99% of the time, I am responsible. So I started out by volunteering in Costa Rica at an animal shelter.
I have always volunteered; since the age of 11, I had volunteered at the Scarborough YMCA, fundraising and other charity work for my Youth Leadership Corp. Costa Rica was my way of traveling somewhere I have always wanted to go, and at the same time, have a purpose, and help people and animals in need. Although I had experienced a lot of anxiety there, being alone and abroad, the solitude was familiar, and I enjoyed it.
7 months later, I found myself, alone again, in Cuba. And then Valencia and Buñol, for La Tomatina; the world's largest tomato fight. Then to Madrid. Then 3 months later, Bermuda. All of this in 1 year. The year after, I kept going, visiting more and more places, and still planning to see more.
I have never experienced joy the way I do when I take myself away from every day life. I always wished for a brand new start, over and over again. Especially in high school. I always wished I could hit reset and reappear somewhere, and start from scratch. And I get to do this when I travel. I am in a new place, and it's all mine to discover. I attract the most helpful, generous, and loving people. My open mind and open heart draw in the most serendipitous events, and because of this, I meet some pretty incredible people. Am I running from something? No. I feel like I am running towards a whole bunch of something that I didn't know was there.
So despite all the trauma and memories I have from my past, I have decided to use this Earth to create new ones; better ones. I am on a mission to discover, give, and love all the people around the world who I meet. I needed so badly to belong as a teen, not realizing that I have my whole life to belong and make friends, and the whole world at my disposal. I am excited to create new memories for myself, and they one day will amount enough to outweigh the bad. I am to create so many happy memories, that I will dilute out the bad ones in hopes that they will be nothing more than small sediments in an ocean full of joy.
There is always an explanation as to why people are the way they are. This is mine, this is me, and this is why I do what I do. Embrace your “isms,” and own them. After you lay it all out, overcome them, and don’t let your past dictate how you live your life presently. I won’t let my anxiety or fear get the best of me. I am finally happy, and confident in who I am, and what I have to offer to those in my life. My bad experiences have made me strong, kind and empathetic. I seek to help, and never hurt people in the way I know a person can hurt. I have learned that I am smart, talented, and good enough for good things to happen to me. I am a pretty fucking awesome person, and I am happy to finally truly believe that.
